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Controlling ex-husband

From: SJames
Date: 09 Jul 2002
Time: 06:22:24
Remote Name:


Please tell me what to do. I divorced my ex-husband 3 years ago for emotional and physical abuse. He also was into numerous illegal hallucinogenic drugs. He was also admitted to a local psychiatric hospital for several weeks for threatening suicide and anger control issues. At the initial intake at this hospital he stated he enjoyed controlling me , it gave him a sense of pleasure.I tried to seek sole custody of our two minor children , but my ex consistently called 4-5 times a day threatening me. He also called my job and showed up at my house whenever he chose. I did have an injunction against him for domestic violence but at the time I was too afraid to enforce it. My attorney at the time came to my house and told me I had no chance of winning custody but that instead I stood a chance of loosing my children to my ex. In the end I gave in and we now have shared parental responsability. What I feared has become reality. After the divorce my ex would call at all hours of day or night and if I did not answer the phone he'd yell and curse and ask where the ___________ was I ? He demanded to know who was at my house if he heard voices in the background and would ask our daughter if I had any men over. Then he'd threaten to go to court to prove me " unfit" and call me everything in the book. He told the children I was evil and God was going to send me to hell, I know this because they came home and repeated it. I got engaged 2 years after our divorce. My ex demanded the right to approve of my husband or he'd go to court because this was a " major life decision" and he had a right to have a say. Throughout all this constant hell, he would tell me that all this trouble would not be necessary if I had not left him and since I did I brought it all on myself. I did get married and yet today he still tries to control me. He calls my home numerous times a week and still demands to know where I was and why wasn't I home because he " has the right to call his children when he pleases" and if I don't let him he will file contempt. He was ordered to pay $ 475.00 a month child support initially, but he claimed he could not afford that and he had at that time already accumulated $ 3,560 in child support arrears. I agreed three years ago to waive the arrears and accept $ 300.00 a month in child support " until he got on his feet". He paid about 8 payments since three years ago and he is now in arrears yet again , this time to the tune of $ 5,000. The state continuously let him off, he was fired from several jobs for striking his employer or a co worker, but no charges were filed. Each time the State sent him a letter thretening contempt he'd go and pay $ 50 and say he was trying to get on his feet but he was laid off and starting a new job...." This has gone on for 3 years! I dropped Child Support enforcement and hired a private attorney. He has filed numerous petty motions.. the latest requesting the court order our moinor children ( ages 4 and 5 respectfully ) not to call their stepfather " Daddy", and a motion requesting the court order me to give my ex daily updates about the children by phone and mail. He calls repeatedly and when he cals the children he will tell them to give me the phone and his excuse is to " communicate regarding the children" but when I get on the phone he starts with new threats, or says he can't afford to come get the children for his visitation and therefore I have to bring them because the court has ordered he get to see them and if I don't he'll file a motion and drag me back to court. We live a 6 hour drive one way from my ex ( my current husband is active duty military). The court at my ex husbands insistance ordered me to bring the children to see him every holiday, long school break ( teachers meetings) and summer break, and spring break at my expense. That means we are bringing the children in January ( New Years), Feb ( school planning session -4 day weekend ) April, ( Easter) , May ( Spring break , June ( Summer break ) , September ( Labor day ) November ( Thanksgiving and CHristmas. We also have to drive back down to get the children and take them back. He was given one weekend of his choice per month for regular visitation. What he has done instead is state he can't afford to come to get them and says he'll just wait till we bring them that holiday in that month. There are 4 children in my little family ( 2 from this exhusband ) and 2 from my current spouse. It is a financial hardship to do this every month. PLEASE tell me what to do to stop him from manipulating the system!! He lives with his mother and has no rent etc... How do I stop this and stop his constant control efforts. This is my second attorney and now she too says well there isn't much we can do.??!! I can't believe this. At his last appearance in court regarding past due child support the judge ordered him to pay $ 350 on that coming Friday and another $ 175.00 on his next payday ( 2 weeks away), he stated to the judge he had a vet bill for his snake to pay and a stereo payment so he could afford $ 50 toward child support. She again ordered him to pay the amount stated and he agreed. He never did and that was 7 months ago and nothing was ever done. His constant harrassment, demands of his " rights" and failure to honor his parental responsabilities is causing alot of stress on me and myt marriage. Any advice will be appreciated. I live in Florida.

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